


Athena And Arachne

by yjs_exoluv12



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: (it’s part of the hallucinations but just playing it safe), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Dark Sirius Black, Dom/sub Undertones, Enemies to Lovers, Gore, Graphic Description, Hallucinations, M/M, Manipulation, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Underage Drug Use, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-31
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:54:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 15,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27297460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yjs_exoluv12/pseuds/yjs_exoluv12
Summary: By the time Sirius Black realized what was wrong with himself, he was trapped in the web he made with Severus Snape.(12/31/20: on hiatus)
Relationships: Lily Evans Potter & Severus Snape, Sirius Black & James Potter, Sirius Black/Severus Snape
Comments: 14
Kudos: 102





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius has a new pet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Halloween! I decided to start a new story since I’ve had this story in my head for months. Thanks to school though, the chapters will have to be shorter than what I usually write. Still, I hope you enjoy!

Sirius wasn’t quite sure when the madness truly began, but he did know when things began to fall apart.

It started at Diagon Alley, inside the Flourish and Blotts bookstore, when Sirius was collecting his books for the upcoming semester while his mother was gossiping with the pureblood store clerk. He already found most of his books, but he left the most dreaded subject for last.

‘ _Potions_ ,’ he woefully thought.

He wasn’t completely hopeless at it, but he wasn’t exactly gifted either. He was impulsive and liked exceptionally challenging spells—a subject that requires great care like potions just didn’t fit him. It didn’t exactly help that that ugly Severus Snape thrived in a dungeon filled with bubbling cauldrons and ungodly fumes. Merlin knows whether or not Snape would ever see the sun again once he inevitably becomes a potion master for You-Know-Who.

The potions section of the store seemed to reflect Sirius’s thoughts as it was significantly dustier than its neighboring shelves.

 _‘Thank god Snivellus lives in the sewers,’_ he rolled his eyes. _‘Otherwise, these poor books would be in his Death Eater hands.’_

The Gryffindor reached for the textbook, only to yelp and swiftly retreat his hand when he felt something thin and sharp slice his finger. The book plopped onto the ground, revealing a tiny creature in between the gaps of two books.

The creature crawled out of the shadows and revealed itself in between the gaps of two other potion books.

Though most wouldn’t give it a second glance, Sirius knew immediately that the spider was not an ordinary spider. It’s disfigured face looked like it was melted and attached to its back. While the rest of its eyes were pitch black, the two largest eyes were a startlingly bright shade of red. It had long black legs that looked like it was made of metal due to its luster and sharpness. But most fascinating (‘ _And frightening_ ,’ he would later think) of all was the emotion it’s beady eyes produced. Even though small spiders were supposed to be a fragile creature, he could feel the raw emotion it resonated.

“I hate you,” it hissed.

He was captivated within seconds—a talking deformed spider had just sliced his finger and stated it _hated_ him to his face.

“Sirius!” his mother shouted. “Stop wasting my time and get your books already!”

Without understanding why he was doing so, Sirius quickly scooped the spider into his bag before rushing back to her.

  
  


“I hate you.”

“I hate you,” Sirius mocked, poking the glass jar with his wand.

He wasn’t going to leave a spider roaming freely in his bag, so when they got home, he quickly nicked an empty jar from the kitchen while Kreacher was coddling his brother. He took the spider with him to the garden where he plucked a small twig with a leaf attached from a bush and placed it in the jar for his new pet. Feeling something missing, he added a smooth pebble in as well.

“Your new home,” he had stated in a matter-of-fact tone.

The spider didn’t seem too enthusiastic about it, but it didn't vocally express disgust either. Sirius considered it a win.

“Do you have a name?”

It climbed underneath the leaf in response, as if it suddenly felt more enthralled in it’s new furniture. In retaliation, he poked the jar with a little more force. The jar shook for a few milliseconds, causing the spider to pause and made eye contact.

Sirius flinched as he felt an abrupt wave of pain overcome him.

His new pet reminded him of a Greek myth he had once read, where a weaver and the Greek goddess Athena competed against each other in a weaving contest after the weaver boasted that she was better than the goddess. The weaver had insulted the goddess (he didn’t remember how), so Athena turned her into a spider. He tried to rack his brain on the name of the weaver, but he was never great at remembering one-off characters. Ultimately, he chose to give up and give his pet the much more honorable name.

“Athena.”

“Athena,” it repeated.

Sirius smiled. ‘ _Maybe the two of us can get along after all_ -’

Suddenly, Athena began to stab the glass walls with its sharp legs. Thankfully, it wasn’t strong enough to make the slightest impact, but it was the sentiment that pained him.

“Sorry,” he found himself saying.

 _‘Why am I the one apologizing?’_ he mentally smacked himself. _‘I’m the one who's hurt!’_

“You must think you’re better than me,” it cackled before poking at the glass. “You act arrogant but really, you’re nothing but human trash.”

Without meaning to, Sirius violently stabbed the jar with his wand. It fell onto the ground and shattered at his feet.

He cursed loudly and immediately rushed out of the room to grab Kreacher. It was only when he reached the empty kitchen that two things dawned on him.

One, he couldn’t let the house elf discover his new pet, because then his parents would find out. Sirius shivered at the thought of his mother hexing him until he was at the brink of death.

Second, and more importantly, this was the perfect opportunity for Athena to escape.

The heir quickly grabbed another empty jar and sprinted upstairs, praying that no one would notice. When he returned, Athena was on top of a glass shard. It willingly entered the new jar he brought back with him.

 _’Thank Merlin,’_ he thought as he let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding in.

Once his anxiety left, he carefully cleaned up the jar and transferred the decorations over to the new jar. Athena nonchalantly began playing with the leaf, as if this was a normal thing for the spider.

After a somber moment of silence, he lowered his head in embarrassment and muttered, “I know.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The train ride back to Hogwarts was uneventful, or so Sirius says.

Even with his mental state deteriorating, reuniting with the Marauders energized Sirius. Normal kids would mourn their summer, but school was practically a vacation from his hellish home.

“Glad to be back,” he hummed as he settled down into their compartment.

“How was your summer?” James asked, poking Remus in the arm. “I heard Moony over here is a prefect now, ay?”

“Don’t think that just because we're friends, I’m going to let you guys get away with breaking the rules!” Remus faked a disappointed sigh and crossed his arms, though none of them missed the mischievous twinkle in his eyes.

“I was going to have you give Gryffindor a million points, but since you’ve brought that up…”

“We’ll beat Slytherin for sure,” Sirius smirked. “With Moony as our secret weapon, those Death Eaters will wish they were never born!”

“I don’t think so,” a muffled voice giggled, which made him freeze in his place.

His bag wasn’t even out of the compartment trunk, much less the jar with Athena…right?

“Let’s buy some snacks,” Peter suggested, which earned him a desperate look of gratitude from Sirius, much to the smaller boy’s confusion. The heir brought out his bag and pretended to look for spare change, but in reality, he was desperately looking for his pet.

But he only found an empty jar.

“Wow Padfoot, did you spend your allowance already?” James chuckled, but Sirius was not amused in the slightest.

Like the jar, his chest was suddenly devoid of anything.

 _‘It didn’t leave, maybe it is still in my trunk and I’m being paranoid,’_ he thought as he scavenged through his bag, but Athena was nowhere in sight. At that point, the paranoia began clawing him from the inside and his hands were shaking.

Where was his spider? His precious Athena, his malicious deity, his cynical and icy muse, his deadly arachnid beauty, was only powerful with its presence and sharp words. A little spider couldn’t survive in a crowded train full of careless children!

 _‘Someone is going to stomp on my pet,’_ he gulped and bit down on his knuckles, trying his best not to let the other Marauders hear his heavy breathing. ‘ _They’ll tear its limbs one by one and then crush it to death with their disgusting heels. Oh Athena, what have you gotten yourself into…’_

As he tried to keep himself from hyperventilating, his mind was rapidly proposing nonsensical theories.

_‘Someone stole it. They broke into my trunk with some sort of dark charm or something.’_

Sirius abruptly stood up, which startled Peter and made him drop his unopened box of chocolate frogs.

“Sirius! You’re lucky it wasn't open!” he grumbled.

_‘It doesn’t want me anymore. It left me for dead.’_

His heartbeat started booming in his chest and he couldn’t help but nervously rub his temples because of some irrational need to do _something_ with his hands.

“Sirius?” Remus said, voice laced with concern.

“I-I…,” he took a deep breath and clenched his shaking fists. “Sorry.”

 _‘A dark wizard is going to keep it in a dirty cage and poison it whenever he feels like it,’_ the thoughts cackled in his head, taunting him with absurd hypotheticals. _‘Athena will never come back to you, you pathetic waste of space.’_

And then he truly lost his mind.

“Snivellus,” Sirius whispered, eyes widening with realization. No reasonable man could comprehend what had invoked such a thought process, but he has long since lost all reason.

“What was that?” James asked.

_‘Snivellus needed a spider for a potion and now he’s going to cook Athena into a batch of poison.’_

His head was pounding and his ears were ringing.

_‘He’s going to lace my food with that poison.’_

The lights were suddenly too bright, and the room was spinning.

_‘He wants me to eat my pet.’_

His nails dug into his skin as he tightened his clenched fists, closed his eyes, and focused on his breathing. With what little sanity he could grasp, he tried to rationalize the spider’s disappearance and calm himself down.

 _‘I don’t need Athena right now,’_ the silver-eyed boy tried to reason. _‘All I need are my friends.’_

But still, Athena was all he could think about.

“I’m heading to the loo,” Sirius blurted out. He hurried out of the compartment, ignoring James’s confusion, Peter’s concern, and Remus’s worried look.

  
  


“Star light, star bright!”

Sirius, who was just about to enter the loo, turned around and laid his eyes on a certain snake who had just entered the empty compartment. Severus must’ve been out of it because he ignored Sirius, plopped down on one of the seats, and closed his eyes.

“Athena?” he whispered, slowly walking towards Severus. He could’ve sworn he heard it’s voice coming from the Slytherin’s spot, but how?

“The first star I see tonight!” a faint cold voice sang. “That’s you, isn’t it?”

Sirius gulped and stopped when he stood in front of Severus. Where did the snake hide his Athena?

Severus’s eyes fluttered open and for a second, Sirius could see a confused and dazed glint in his reflective black eyes. It was only for a split second though because he flinched and quickly raised his arms in a defensive position upon noticing the other boy’s presence.

“What do you want, Black?” he hissed, but Sirius couldn’t help but stare.

His eyes were orbs of obsidian black that he felt like he could drown in. Not like a romantic view of the sea when the sun is setting, but more like a suffocating ocean of tar that made it physically harder for him to breath the longer he stared at those eyes.

For the first time in his life, Sirius felt like he was truly trapped.

‘ _Focus! Just find Athena and then I can leave!_ ’ his head screamed. He perked up and immediately pinned Snape against the window.

“Give it back, Snivellus,” the heir said coldly.

“What on Earth are you bumbling on about!?” he said as he struggled to escape Sirius's ironclad grip.

In the back of his mind, Severus was rather shocked this was happening—usually the pinhead was accompanied by his idiotic friends and rarely laid hands on him (“Why would I touch a greasy nobody like you,” Sirius sneered back in their first year, “when a flick of a wand can hurt you so much more?”).

‘ _Not that it matters right now_ ,’ the Slytherin grumbled internally.

“I know you have it!” Sirius exclaimed, even though he knew he didn’t have a shred of evidence supporting his claim. That was, until he noticed a reflective shine from behind Snape’s ears.

“Your bloated head seems to be causing some brain damage since you’re clearly delusional!”

“You did take it!”

“Get off of me, Black! I didn’t take anything-”

“JUST SHUT UP!”

Without any rational thought left in his head, the Gryffindor frantically pulled him into his arms and brought his lips close to the boy’s neck. Hidden in the dark locks behind Snape’s ear was Athena, who seemed almost amused by the situation.

Someone opened the compartment door, causing the apprehensive snake to glare at the intruder before freezing in absolute fear. Whoever it was, Sirius noted, they managed to make the infuriated loser show a rare display of horror.

“You found me,” Athena cheered. It crawled onto Sirius’s neck, each of its legs jabbing his skin as it climbed towards his pocket. It baffled the Marauder how the pinned slimeball wouldn’t notice a spider stabbing his head.

Unfazed by the mild pain, he averted his eyes onto the potential intruder, still keeping a tight hold on the now struggling snake. He caught a glimpse of dark red hair flowing down the back of the retreating figure and knew instantly who the culprit was.

Usually, she would’ve meant nothing to him, but today, he was infuriated by her existence.

_‘Lily fucking Evans.’_

  
  


“What took you so long-”

“Don’t answer that!” Remus interrupted and lightly punched Peter.

“Oh, my dear Wormtail, what happens in the bathroom stays in the bathroom,” Sirius snickered as he went back to his seat. Trying to dissipate his leftover adrenaline, he sat still and watched Athena pace around in his palms.

“Your friends,” it said as it gestured towards them, “are rather annoying, aren’t they?”

Sirius raised an eyebrow.

“You don’t see it now, but they’ll become a nuisance in the future.”

“Doubt it,” he shrugged. Athena was a magnificent being, no doubt, but Sirius doubted it had good taste in friends.

When he glanced at his mates, he noticed James giving him a strange look.

“You alright there, James?”

“What happened?” his best friend hesitantly asked, hazel eyes filled with concern.

“Frightened a slimy freak,” Athena proudly exclaimed. Sirius looked down at the spider and gently pet their cold, metal-like back with his finger.

“Nothing happened. Don’t worry about it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: this story was originally intended to be a James/Severus fanfic until I realized Sirius was better suited for the role. Anyway, hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. I'm not used to posting something so short for a chaptered story because it makes me feel like I'm leaving you guys hanging, but I've been busy with school so please bear with me for now :')


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily thinks Sirius has another motive while Severus thinks he’s gone insane. Sirius just wants to be left alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, what a crazy day in America. How about a new chapter to distract you from the election for a few minutes? :)

“So,” Lily leaned in closely during their morning Potions class. “You and Black, huh?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about” Severus nonchalantly responded as he finished up the conclusion for their essay. In reality, he was scowling at the memory.

It had been a few days since that incident, in which neither of them have acknowledged it ever occurring. Black seemed preoccupied with other matters these days and hasn’t been showing up to their shared classes, which left most of the fights to Potter and Severus.

 _‘It’s like he’s just avoiding it like it was nothing,’_ he thought, stabbing a period onto the parchment.

While Black wasn’t there to face Severus head-on, paranoia and rage have since plagued the Slytherin’s mind. Damn Black and his gorilla-like strength, keeping him pinned down for a disturbingly long amount of time! The man-child was disturbingly erratic that day, accusing Severus of stealing something and invading his personal space, and now he had the nerve to run away and pretend it didn’t happen!?

“The train,” she interrupted his thoughts. “You and Black were snogging, weren’t you?”

He nearly snapped his quill in half.

“That is absurd.”

“Then why else was he kissing your neck?”

“He was not! I don’t know what was going through that egotistic prick’s mind, but it was definitely not that.”

“Did he…,” she paused to look around before continuing very quietly, “…force himself on you?”

“He pinned me down and threw random accusations at me, Lily. Nothing more,” he grimaced and turned their essay in. “I’d reckon he’s finally lost it.”

“I’m sure there’s a logical reason-”

“It’s Black, Lily. That child refuses to listen to any logic and reason.”

“Don’t be mean,” she huffed. “I still think you two were snogging or something.”

“Why would I-”

“Well, I don’t think you would snog him,” Lily reassuringly patted him on the shoulder and grabbed her bag. “You would never do that.”

“Yes, thank you-”

“Actually, I think _he_ was trying to snog you!” she winked before running off with her friends, leaving stunned Severus standing in the classroom with a horrified expression.

  
  


Oblivious to the ongoing rumors about him and Severus (courtesy of Lily telling Marlene, who told the entire school), Sirius had started to feel more at home in his new room.

After the whole train fiasco, he knew he couldn’t take Athena back to their messy dorm—the Marauders’ pigsty room had a system, but it was still a mess—so he tried his luck with many of Hogwarts’s secret rooms. Lo and behold, he found a perfect room for him and Athena.

It was certainly a magical room because when Sirius and Athena had first entered, the room had already been set up for them with a Gryffindor-themed bedroom and a decorated glass terrarium on a nightstand.

“Aren’t we lucky?” he had exclaimed at the time.

“Rooms like these are uncharted,” Athena noted. “You can do a lot in here.”

Ever since, Sirius couldn’t help but stay in the magic room with his pet for weeks. Literally. He hadn’t left the room upon discovering it, as if afraid it would disappear with Athena if he left it alone for a second.

Athena, in the meantime, seemed to enjoy their terrarium. With real soil and a tree branch with enormous green leaves, it was certainly an upgrade from the jar. Whenever it wasn't talking to Sirius about its nihilistic philosophy or criticizing him, it would climb around the branch and play with the leaves.

Around Sunday night, when Sirius was staying up late looking at fighter jet magazines, Athena decided to surprise him with a question.

“Why don’t you throw out the trash?” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he tossed his magazine aside and held out his hand for the spider to climb onto.

“The boy,” Athena narrowed its red and black eyes. “The weirdo on the train with black hair.”

“Snivellus?”

“Yes, that freak,” it hissed. “Kill him with the werewolf-”

“Absolutely not!”

“-and you could kill two birds with one stone!”

He grimaced and placed Athena back into its cage, clearly not willing to hear the rest of it.

Beady red and black eyes stared meticulously as the Marauder plopped down on the bed with his back turned. Even so, it knew that the boy could never resist hearing what it had to say.

“Dark creatures can’t starve forever, you know.”

 _‘I could never do that to Remus,’_ he clutched his pillow, resisting the urge to turn around and yell. He mustn't get angry over a hypothetical.

“If you fed him, even if it was only once, you could calm the werewolf for months.”

_‘And destroy him for a lifetime.’_

“And really, does that mudblood deserve to live?”

_‘Snivellus isn’t a mudblood…’_

“You say he isn’t, but he lives near Lily in the Muggle world. Trash raised by trash.”

Sirius bit his shaking fists and closed his eyes. He was beginning to second-guess their friendship, given that his spider was surprisingly a blood supremacist.

“Getting rid of him would do the world a favor.”

“I know, I know, I know,” he sighed. “But not like that, Athena.”

“Nobody would know.”

“People would know. We would be the number one suspects,” Sirius countered, turning his head towards the spider. His hands kept shaking.

“That old man will always have your back—you and I both know he’d cover up your tracks. Nobody would suspect you, and with our luck, that werewolf will take care of the body…”

“…I couldn’t.”

“I know you can,” it avowed. “You can do this, Sirius.”

The Marauder tried his best to refute. To muster up one of the many, many reasons why he could never ever use Moony against Snivellus—if not for moral reasons, then for logical reasons.

He couldn’t.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On the one day he decides to go to class, Sirius has a mental breakdown. James, Lily, and Severus yelling at him wasn't helping.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I updated the tags, rating, and warning for this chapter and a future one. I have a warning for those who aren't into that and I’ll be sure to put a warning in that future chapter as well.

“Go. To. Class!”

Sirius sighed and set his magazines aside. “I can’t leave you alone, Athena.”

“I won’t disappear, you idiot!” it raised a leg and tapped the glass with it, which he assumed was the equivalent of a slap in the face. “Where’s that Gryffindor courage of yours!?”

_‘What does that have to do with anything?’_

“You’re avoiding them! Those so-called friends of yours, who probably think you’re afraid!”

His wrist twitched, which seemed to happen more frequently these days. He walked towards the other end of the room and crouched over his bag, which had laid there untouched for weeks.

“Show them you’re not afraid!”

 _‘I forgot most of my textbooks are in here,’_ he thought as he went through the bag. His hand hovered over the potions textbook a little longer than the others.

“Let them know who calls the shots!”

“Fucking hell,” Sirius rolled his eyes. “You’re really upset about this, huh?”

Athena’s red eyes narrowed as it crawled out onto the top of the glass terrarium. It didn't respond, but he could tell it was truly upset about this.

Why? He would never know.

“…one day,” the teen stood up and walked back to the nightstand with an arm held out. “I’ll go for one day, but you have to stay with me—which also means staying out of trouble!”

The arachnid climbed on with satisfaction plastered all over its disfigured face.

  
  


“Of course it’s always Potions,” Sirius grumbled as he walked through to the cold dungeon halls. Athena was cradled in his hands, which were held close to his chest—almost like a paranoid mother clinging onto her child. “Who even likes dirty dungeons? Psychopaths?”

“It’s where we belong,” the spider whispered with glee. He very much disagreed but chose not to verbally express so.

“Sirius?”

He turned around, only to be tackled to the ground by his three best mates. Athena jumped out right before the bodies collided and landed smoothly on the ground before crawling back onto his shoulder.

While Remus and James chastised him for disappearing on them, Peter was hugging his arm with sad puppy eyes like it was the end of the world.

“Are we not friends anymore?” he asked.

“We don't need you, you little rat,” Athena hissed.

Sirius ruffled Peter’s hair and nervously chuckled. What sort of silly question was that? Of course they were friends!

 _‘And you and I will have a long talk later,’_ he thought, glaring at his pet. Maybe it was a mistake bringing it along…

  
  


_ ‘Or maybe it was a mistake being here,’  _ Sirius sighed as he fiddled with the blunt cutting knife and stared at the blackboard with annoyance. Athena paced around on top of his unopened textbook, clearly absorbed in its own little world.

“Someone misses potions,” Remus cheekily whispered.

He grumbled out a quiet “whatever” as Slughorn finally ended his lecture and gestured to them to start their independent work. Unfortunately, he couldn’t depend on Remus or Peter to guide him through this time.

“Stay out of trouble,” he whispered to Athena before getting up to grab the ingredients. It was only when he reached that he realized two things; he still had the cutting knife in his hand like a complete psychopath and he didn’t even know what potion he was brewing.

_ ‘Shit,’  _ he thought as he remembered he hadn’t even bothered to open the textbook because Athena was busy prancing on it. _ ‘I don’t even know where to start with the ingredients.’ _

The sight he returned to made him drop the knife onto the hard floor with a loud clunk, grabbing the attention of the Marauders and a few surrounding classmates.

****WARNING: MILDLY GRAPHIC DESCRIPTION AHEAD****

A dark pool of blood was splattered on top of his textbook, with a few drops dripping from the cover and staining the paper. In the center was a crushed arachnid corpse, stomach facing upwards and legs egregiously contorted. Its disfigured face was now a wet pile of mush slowly dissolving into blood.

What. The. Actual.  _ Fuck. _

****IT’S SAFE TO READ NOW****

The room began to spin and his heart rate accelerated as his chest clenched up. It was like his body was rejecting the oxygen he was desperately trying to inhale.

“It can’t be…” he whispered in horror. “Athena…?”

“Who’s Athena?” James furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. “Are you feeling okay, Padfoot? You’ve been acting a little off today.”

Sirius brought his shaking fists up to his face and hovered it over his lips, as if trying to reassure himself that he was indeed still breathing. In fact, he was practically hyperventilating at this point.

“Woah, Sirius, are you okay?” Peter put down the potion ingredients he was cutting and tried to approach him, only for Sirius to slap away his arm and quickly ran out of the classroom despite Slughorn’s threat to deduct points and his friends’ concerned yelling.

He just couldn’t stay there anymore, not when there was a fucking corpse bleeding out on his desk.

Sirius ran off to the boy’s bathroom and hunched over the nearest toilet, vomiting the contents of his stomach up until he was left dry-heaving and gasping for air. His throat stung from the stomach acid and he began to feel light-headed. He flushed and headed over to the sink, splashing his entire face with cold water and clutching the sides of the sink with his quivering hands.

“Sirius?” He turned around to see Regulus standing there at the doorway with a scared look.

“Regulus,” he managed to choke out and hastily wiped away the remaining vomit in his mouth using his sleeve. “You’re supposed to be in a class.”

“Professor Sprout allowed me to take a small break—well, that shouldn’t matter because you’re not okay right now!” Regulus rushed over to his side and gently tugged at his clean sleeve. “I’ll bring you to the hospital wing-”

“No, no, no!”

He let go and took a step back, surprised and frightened by his brother’s sudden opposition. “But-”

“I’ll escort you back to Herbology,” Sirius interrupted, grabbing his brother by the wrist and dragging him back despite the Slytherin's protests. He gave brief, vague answers when his brother asked why he wasn’t in class and remained dead silent when he tried to ask him about the vomiting.

It was better to leave his dear brother in the dark than unnecessarily drag the younger boy down with his own baggage.

“Here we are,” the Gryffindor faked a grin as they approached the greenhouse. “Good ol’ Herbology.”

Regulus angrily shook off Sirius’s hand and gave him a quick “this isn’t over” glare before reluctantly heading back in. He waved goodbye to his brother’s retreating back before walking away without a destination in mind.

For a brief moment, Sirius noted his brother’s compliant nature somehow distracted him from the horrific death of Athena. Perhaps he could use that bit of knowledge for future reference.

Even if he really didn’t want to deal with it, reality was a cruel being. It was inevitable that the Marauders would confront him about the incident, but Sirius wasn’t about to do it in a crowded hallway.

“Leave me alone, James.”

“Talk to me! We haven’t seen you in weeks, and then you suddenly show up and freaked out like that-”

“Listen, we can talk about this later-”

“WHY ARE YOU ACTING LIKE THIS!?” James yelled at the top of his lungs, violently pulling the end of Sirius’s sleeve so the other Marauder would be forced to face him. People began to stare and whisper as a crowd slowly formed around the two.

 _‘You have to be fucking kidding me,’_ Sirius thought, resisting the urge to clench his fists.

“Prongs, please, not now-”

“Why have you been avoiding us? Where have you been this entire time? What is going on with you!?”

Remus, who had firmly held onto James’s wrist to prevent the situation from escalating, loosened his grip and slowly nodded in agreement. Peter, ever the indecisive one, seemed conflicted.

“It’s none of your business,” the heir hissed as he yanked back his arm. He nervously glanced at the crowd around them. “James, we can talk about it in private-”

“You mean you’re going to run away again like you’ve been doing since we came back?”

“I didn’t run away-”

“Twenty points from Gryffindor!” an all-too-familiar female voice shouted.

Sirius held back a groan and turned towards a peeved Lily Evans with an unimpressed look.

_‘As if my day couldn’t get any worse.’_

  
  


“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Lily groaned when she and Severus entered the hallway at the worst moment. She crossed her arms with a grouchy look on her face while the Slytherin stood behind her, entertained by the debacle.

 _‘What a surprise,’_ he sarcastically thought. _‘The two dung brains have turned against each other.’_

“Twenty points from Gryffindor!” Lily yelled, huffing her chest so that it showed off her prefect badge.

Black paused for a moment before he nonchalantly turned around, clearly unfazed by her presence.

“Jeez, what a tough loss,” the heir said with a voice that was drenched in sarcasm. “I’m _so_ upset right now.”

“I won’t tolerate your disrespect, Black,” Lily said with a flat tone. “Now apologize before I take off more points.”

“Bite me, Evans,” he walked up to her until they were merely inches apart, neither of them breaking eye contact. The crowd around them turned dead silent, as of anticipating for one of them to make the first move. Potter seemed confused, looking back and forth between the two like a lost toddler.

“I’m warning you, Black. I can do more than deduct points, you know.”

“It seems Queen Evans here thinks she’s hot shit because she’s a prefect now,” Black gave her a mocking grin. “Well, Your Majesty, I think you should stop interrupting our conversation and kindly fuck off!”

The crowd couldn’t bear to tear their eyes away from the two—it was a battle of dominance here, one ice-cold prefect versus a fiery maverick. The question of who would back down first lingered.

Severus, who was separate from the leering audience, glared at Black with absolute disdain. It was one thing to argue with Potter, who he could care less about, but to belittle Lily? Unforgivable!

“Back off,” the raven-haired boy hissed, taking a step forward. Surprisingly, Black broke eye contact with Lily and engaged in a heated glaring contest with his favorite victim.

“Keep your greasy nose out of this, Snivellus.” 

“Or what? Gonna drop your wand and run away from me like a coward?”

“Watch your tongue, you slimy git,” Sirius fumed as his face reddened. Severus didn’t notice the Gryffindor clenching his shaking fists.

“You’re rather unlike a Gryffindor, aren’t you? You tout it as bravery but really, it’s that stupidity that you mask as courage.”

_“Stop it-”_

“Or maybe it’s just pure insanity? Searching for your ‘Athena’ or whatever-”

The crowd gasped when Sirius’s fist connected with Severus’s stomach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the lack of updates. I've been busy with school and had the worst kind of writer's block where I can write paragraphs upon paragraphs for other chapters but can barely conjugate a complete sentence for this one. Still, I got through it :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius faces the repercussions, but on the bright side, he meets a kind stranger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Double update :)

The headmaster’s office was sunny and decorated in a cozy manner, but that didn’t stop Sirius from feeling like he was drowning in a cold, bottomless ocean. His fists were clenched in his lap while his heart was pounding.

“Lemon drop?” Dumbledore gestured at the bowl of candy, breaking the tense silence.

The Gryffindor slowly nodded and took a generous amount. He wasn’t in the mood for anything rewarding like candy, but for all he knew, this would be his last meal for a while.

“May I ask what compelled you to get physical?” he gently asked. “You’ve never done something like this before, Mr. Black.”

“No, I haven’t,” was all the boy could manage. Sirius didn't want to  _ be here _ right now. He wasn’t ready to defend himself because, frankly, he  _ didn’t _ have a defense.

_ ‘Snape deserved it,’ _ he thought, but the rage has since dissipated and the thought rang hollow.

“You have a good heart, Mr. Black. I know that there’s always a reason behind your actions and I want to hear your side of the story.”

To hear his side? As understanding as the headmaster was, Sirius doubted Dumbledore could understand the pain of losing such a dark, magnificent being as Athena. It’s existence was only to bring darkness into the world and yet despite its cruelty, he was hypnotized by its dark nature.

“Please tell me, Mr. Black. How did this all start?”

He paused, contemplating whether he should tell Dumbledore about it. What could he possibly do?

_ ‘Maybe,’ _ a hopeful voice in his head said,  _ ‘he can help us revive Athena.’ _

There wasn’t any reasoning behind it, but these days, he rarely thought twice about the substantialness behind such absurd thoughts.

“I lost Athena and now she’s dead.”

  
  


“Sirius, what happened?” Regulus whispered, silver eyes filled with worry. The Slytherin had confronted him outside of the Headmaster’s office when word about the fight for around.

Sirius never noticed until now how different his brother’s innocent eyes were from his tired ones.

“I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me, just focus on yourself,” he said and reassuringly petted his brother’s head like an owner comforting a pet.

Or a liar trying to soothe a loved one when everything was not alright.

  
  


Sirius began having creepily pleasant dreams when he returned home.

He was let off with a suspension for a “mental health break” after mentioning he lost Athena (he later realized Dumbledore probably thought he was referring to an actual person). However, his parents saw this as an excuse to severely punish him. They isolated him in one of their many guest rooms with nothing to entertain him, forbade any letters from his friends, and only delivered his meals three times a day. The food was often bland and unsatisfying, as if Kreacher wanted in on the punishment as well.

His irrational yearning for Athena continued to haunt him in the day. The night he went back home, he would absently reach for his neck and stare blankly at the ceiling. The Gryffindor tried to distract himself with school work, but there isn't much work that could be assigned when he legally couldn’t practice magic. He breezed through the readings and found himself doing nothing.

Being alive was a fucking nightmare for him.

But the dreams, funnily enough, kept him going. It was wrong and creepy that he sought solace in someone who was a figment of his imagination, but it somehow comforted him in ways not even his friends could and helped fill in the void in his heart that was left by Athena.

He would always dream of an empty room classroom, void of any students, equipment, and light. The windows were unusually opaque and dark, which only exemplified how uncomfortable the room was.

In the first dream, he was disoriented by the lack of light. Inundated with anxiety and stress, he was on the urge of having another mental breakdown.

“Are you cold?” someone behind him whispered.

The Gryffindor turned around without even bothering to reach for his wand, too confused to think straight.

“Athena?” he called out.

“No. Just me.”

Sirius couldn’t help but let out a sigh of disappointment. With Athena’s death still fresh in his mind, he couldn’t be bothered to feign niceties when he was in a horrific mood.

Still, he could almost feel something gravitating him towards the mysterious person. Surely, there must’ve been a reason why they were together in a dark classroom?

“Why am I here?”

“Because it’s a dream.”

“Oh.”

_ (Later on, he would slap himself for acting like an idiot. There was no way this imaginary stranger didn’t think he was an airhead.) _

“Are you cold?” the voice repeated.

He hesitated before slowly nodding.

To his surprise, the stranger suddenly wrapped a thick blanket around him. The sentiment felt akin to someone caring for their lover, which made Sirius’s cheeks redden.

“There we go,” they said. “You won’t be cold anymore.”

He didn’t have any idea who they were, but something about their presence calmed him. Perhaps it was the knowledge that he wasn’t completely alone; that he had  _ someone _ to be with in this mysterious room.

Sirius had been obsessed with Athena because it was what he needed at the time—he was bored and a mysterious pet added a nice spice to his otherwise miserable summer. But right now, after the manic episode he had at Hogwarts, he was fed up with cruel eyes and sarcasm.

He needed warmth and kindness.

He dragged down them to the ground in a tight embrace, wrapping the blanket around the stranger as well. Even as they were face to face, he couldn’t make out any discernible features—but he could feel the intoxicating heat from their body, and that was enough for him.

“There,” the teen chuckled. “Now we’re both warm.”

And ever since, Sirius has been sleeping as often as possible, escaping from reality while embracing his new obsession.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius and the stranger have a conversation about his subconscious. Orion gives him a gift, though he questions his father’s true intentions. And unfortunately, just as soon as they came, they leave him in one of the worst ways possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I use Google Docs for writing and this chapter alone was 11 pages long, which is such a pain in the butt when I'm on my crappy phone lmao

“Why are we always here?” Sirius asked one night, huddling next to the stranger as per usual. Before, they would silently listen to the Gryffindor ramble on about wizard politics or tell exciting stories about his adventures with the Marauders—but no, Sirius was feeling bold tonight.

“What do you mean by that?”

He motioned towards the opaque windows. “In this classroom. It’s dark and cold and it doesn’t even have any chairs for us to sit on.”

“If you were truly uncomfortable, you would’ve complained about it nights before.”

Sirius winced. The stranger must be a seer or something because they hit the nail right on the coffin.

“…I want to see your face,” he bashfully admitted.

Much to his surprise, the stranger wrapped their arms around his chest and brought their face close, only a few centimeters away from Sirius’s. He could feel their chest pressed against his, slowly rising and falling with the exception of their left breast, where the heart emitted quick and deep vibrations.

Even with their body so close, it was like his mind refused to make out any discernible characteristics. He couldn't even tell what gender they were (not that it would matter, of course).

“I can only help by asking the right questions,” they said, their cold breath tickling his chin. “But…”

They leaned forward, only for Sirius to swerve to the side. Hovering over his ear, they whispered the rest of their sentence.

“I’m afraid only you know the answers to such questions like this.”

Sirius closed his eyes once more and concentrated, only to open them and face disappointment. No matter how hard he tried to visualize another location, the classroom stayed the same.

“What are you up to?” the stranger laughed, sitting cross-legged on the floor with the blanket draped over them like a shawl.

The Marauder blushed. He must’ve looked silly from the stranger's perspective because he was standing in the middle of the room, constantly closing and opening his eyes like a complete weirdo.

“I don’t get it,” he sighed. “If it’s my dream, then why can’t I change our location?”

“It’s because you don’t want to,” they answered with a gentle voice.

“What makes you say that?”

The stranger gestured at the windows. “The classroom. The darkness. Me. It’s all part of your subconscious, Sirius. Your subconscious is in control.”

“So if I want to be in this dreary room, does that mean you know why?”

He could sense that they were giving him a pitiful smile. “I’m afraid I cannot. I’m part of the subconscious, you see, and cannot tell the conscious you what you don’t know. If you want an answer, I’m afraid you will have to realize it yourself.”

Sirius sadly nodded in understanding. It made sense, weirdly enough.

“So,” they continued, “the real question should be, ‘why is this classroom special to me?’”

“Why didn’t they see Athena?” Sirius pondered aloud with his stomach laid against the ground and head resting on his folded arms. The stranger was sitting next to him, playfully poking his back in an oddly pleasing way.

“What do you mean?” they cutely tilted their head.

“James was next to me and he didn’t freak out, and neither did the class, even though it was so obvious!”

“That is very strange, isn’t it?”

He furrowed his eyebrows. “Maybe they were too focused on the potion…”

“I can tell that you don’t believe that garbage excuse,” they chuckled.

Sirius reluctantly nodded. It just didn’t make any sense to him and it irked him that everyone seemed so _calm_ when they shouldn’t have been.

“Well, why do you think they didn’t notice?”

“I don’t know,” he bit his lips in frustration.

“Think more about it. James wasn’t so calm, was he? What did he look like?”

“He…he looked concerned. But it was directed towards me.”

“Yes…” they motioned for him to continue, only for him to shake his head. He knew his friend was concerned about his panicked state, but that was expected. The real question should be, why didn’t James and everyone else notice Athena?

“Nothing else comes to mind. Everyone was acting the same besides him—even then, his actions kind of made sense.”

"Change your perspective then,” they advised with a tad bit of impatience in their voice. “Ask not why they _missed_ it, but why they _couldn’t_ see it.”

Sirius continued to give them a puzzled look, only for them to throw their arms up in surrender and shake their head.

“I give up,” they sighed. “We’ll try again another day.”

He could only give them a sympathetic smile and a pat on the back.

While Walburga made her feelings about Sirius clear, he could never tell what his father truly thought. What went on behind those cold, silver eyes was beyond him, which is why he quickly freshened up when Kreacher told him that his father wanted to talk to him. Dressed stiffly in a black vest and a green ribbon, he walked down the cold hallways while playing with the Black heir ring.

 _‘I wonder how long I’ll be able to keep this,’_ he thought, twirling the silver ring around on his finger. It was only a matter of time before either of them snapped—either he gathered up the guts to run away or his mother will burn him off the family tree.

No matter what, he didn’t plan on keeping it for long. 

“Is Mother not here?” Sirius hesitantly asked upon entering the living room and noticing the banshee wasn’t screaming at him. Lord Orion Black, luxuriously adorned in black with silver embroidery and an emerald brooch, stood in the center of the room with his arms crossed and a stone-cold expression.

“Your mother is out with your aunt.”

“I see,” was all he could feebly say before looking down at his shoes.

He couldn’t help but feel like a tiny child, dressed rather girlishly with his ribbon in comparison to his dignified father—a feeling that he has been experiencing his entire life. It was humiliating how his father could reduce him into a weak coward with a single disapproving glance.

“The headmaster informed me about your ‘Athena’,” his father said with an even tone. “You told me it died during class, which was why you had decided to…act out, so to speak.”

Sirius slowly nodded.

“I’ve spoken with Professor Slughorn about the incident as well. He informed me that nobody could find any dead spider in the room.”

“No…no, no, no! T-that’s impossible!” the teen sputtered out with a strained voice. “Please, I know what I saw! Athena was dead on that table, I swear!”

Orion held up a hand, motioning for Sirius to stop, who reluctantly obeyed. Stepping off to the side, he rummaged through the enormous wine cabinet and handed Sirius a glass bottle, notably a tiny one that was without any wine. Instead, it was filled with cylindrical mint-colored objects.

“You take one out and swallow it with water,” he instructed, lowering his voice as if it were secretive. “Don’t chew it.”

“Father, what are these?”

“Medicine. It will help you feel better.”

The Marauder fiddled with the mysterious bottle, trying to figure out what Orion’s intentions were. Already, he didn’t trust the contents inside because it was inside an empty liquor bottle. It didn’t seem edible in the slightest either. It was glossy like a polished coffee table and the mint color was far too vibrant to be natural.

 _‘How is this medicine?’_ he thought, gently twisting the cap back and forth with his index finger. _‘It isn’t a potion or anything.’_

“You don’t seem convinced,” Orion noted.

“Why do I need this? I’m not sick.”

“Ah, but this isn’t for your body. It’s for your mind.”

“You think I’m mental?” Sirius scowled and raised his head, startling Orion with a powerful glare. “I wasn’t lying about Athena!”

“It has nothing to do with that,” the older man assured, hastily regaining his composure. He had not realized how much his son resembled Walburga when they were passionately angry about something, especially if it contradicts their beliefs.

“Then why?”

“I’m giving these to you because you are grieving, Sirius. The medicine will make you happier.”

He twirled the bottle around in his hand, tracing the glass bottle’s ornate design with his thumb.

If his father was personally giving this to him, then it must’ve been important. Orion Black’s time was far too precious to concern himself with trivial matters, which included his son’s health.

Whatever his true intentions were, it meant it involved the Black family’s reputation.

 _‘He’s probably worried I’m going to start another fight,’_ Sirius thought. _‘This medicine is supposed to keep me in check somehow…’_

He was still upset about Athena, but he has been recovering on his own with the stranger’s help. Hell, once he goes back to Hogwarts and sorts things out with the Marauders, he’d be back to his normal self in no time!

…Right?

“I’ll be fine,” he quickly muttered and shoved the bottle back into his father’s hands before fleeing to his room, unaware of the worry-filled eyes trained on his back.

“What do you look like?” Sirius asked on a Friday night. In just a few days, the boy would finish his suspension and return to Hogwarts. And yet despite serving his time of two weeks, he felt like he could’ve made a deeper connection with the stranger—er, his subconscious?

The first step was establishing a schema of what his subconscious is, which would be the stranger.

“Whatever you want me to look like,” they shrugged. “I don’t mind.”

“Okay then…ah-” he bit his lips as they leaned against his arm. He could feel their rapid heartbeat.

He hadn’t realized until now just how physically affectionate they were to him, as if they were lovers. Rather narcissistic if he thought about it. But what was even weirder was how he too would stroke their cheek or tighten his hold on their waist, even though he was truly unnerved by them.

From the perspective of Sirius, he was disturbed by the lack of depth the stranger had for someone who was meant to be his subconscious. The most positive interpretation was that he simply hadn’t explored enough of his mind to add much substance to the stranger. On the flip side, it could also be interpreted that Sirius lacked much else on the inside and proved that he was a rather shallow and one-dimensioned individual.

On the other hand, he could almost hear Athena in the back of his mind berate him. It would argue that the stranger was a blank slate that could be manipulated into anything Sirius wanted them to be. Who gives a shit about soul-searching when he should be focusing on his _conscious_ desires?

“A tool,” he could imagine the arachnid saying. “Used for your pleasure and your pleasure alone.”

_‘Right. And if they say they don’t mind, then why not give them some traits? We all can win!’_

“I imagine…black hair,” his hand strayed to the top of their hair, where he twirled a locket of hair in between his fingers and imagined it was the shade of the night sky. “And it’s shiny, like metal.”

 _‘Like Athena,’_ he chose not to say aloud.

“Of course,” the stranger nodded.

“And your face…”

They unexpectedly took Sirius’s hands and held it against his cheek, stunning the heir. Sirius couldn’t help but tremble when the stranger nuzzled into his palms.

“What do you think?”

“It’s, um, it’s warm,” he stammered, too frightened by the abrupt display of affection. If he was going to be completely honest, he was rather unnerved with how assertive they were. Something about the stranger taking control was rather off-putting to Sirius—and a bit hypocritical too, given that he was _literally_ shaping the stranger into whatever he wanted.

“And my eyes?” 

He closed his eyes and fantasized what a set of beautiful eyes would look like to him.

Lily was well-known for her brilliant emerald eyes, but Sirius didn’t have any feelings regarding those eyes. They were just…there.

Remus’s golden eyes were mesmerizing to look at, even if the other boy detested it. James also had a special set of metamorphic hazel eyes that were simple to the passing stranger, but Sirius has witnessed those same eyes change for every emotion James went through. Peter’s eyes were a delicate shade of blue and often watery, matching his wimpy nature.

These were eyes that had their own stories and memories linked to them, and he wasn’t going to tarnish their uniqueness.

Maybe…maybe he could borrow _his_ eyes? 

No, he couldn’t. There was nothing kind or warm about those eyes. In fact, when he thought about those eyes, it only made him angry—borderline obsessed, even. His rage only fueled his fixation on those eyes, arousing a death spiral of anger and a certain disgusting pair of eyes. 

_‘Those eyes…I can’t get them out of my head…it’s like I’m being hypnotized…’_

Those eyes were ugly. It definitely wasn't beautiful, nor was it absolutely mesmerizing, nor did it possess a kaleidoscope of emotions. He shouldn’t even be considering it right now.

_‘But…it’s what my subconscious wants.’_

“…black,” he softly uttered before opening his eyes again. “Like a true black. Darker than anything else in the universe.”

“You really like that color, huh?” the stranger laughed.

“I think it’s a nice color…”

“What do you like about his eyes in particular? Besides the color.”

“They’re not normal—there’s no life in those black eyes. If anything, it sucks your soul out,” he shivered at the memory. Maybe that guy was part Dementor, constantly latching onto people and snatching away their happiness like a parasite. “Just thinking about it makes me angry.”

“But you find it attractive.”

“I…I guess. Because when you really look at him, you sometimes notice that those eyes are filled with emotions—like anger or sadness,” the Marauder said, remembering the face he would always keep whenever they were near. “Even if he’s upset, he’ll have a straight face but…his eyes betray him.”

“You like that honesty.”

Sirius snorted. “I guess I can relate. Having to pretend you’re not upset when you are because you can’t let other people see that side of you. It fucking sucks.”

They nodded along and crept towards Sirius’s lap. He could feel an unpleasant shiver go through his spine as the stranger pressed their thumb on his bottom lip.

“You want to give me those eyes?”

He hesitantly nodded. “It’s not to offend you or anything, I promise. I think it’s an interesting pair of eyes, even if it belongs to a greasy bastard.”

“So mean to me,” they jokingly punched his arm, as if they knew they were in a position that the flirty girls at Hogwarts would die to be in. “It’s fine though. I don’t mind Severus’s eyes.”

Sirius paused. “You know his name.”

“How could I not?” they snickered with an uncharacteristically scathing tone. “I’m your subconscious, aren’t I?”

“Right…”

“Continue.”

He tried to think of any other feature that he could modify but decided he was satisfied with what he’s already done, much to the stranger’s dismay.

“And here I thought you were finally going to realize what you want,” they sighed.

“Is this another subconscious-related thing? I know I’m not doing so well on it but I promise you that I’m trying!”

The stranger motioned him to shut up, standing up and taking a few steps back.

What was different this time was their silhouette, which was much clearer than it had ever been. He could make out the ends of their neck-length hair and a collar that resembled the ones on a dress-shirt. Their figure was lean but athletic, and very obviously a male.

A male. He could feel his cheeks heat up when he realized what this meant. So his subconscious is telling him he preferred guys…how nice.

“Maybe it’s time to open your eyes to who you really are.”

Out of nowhere, a chandelier appeared on the ceiling and lit up the entire room. Sirius quickly covered his eyes from the strong beam and tried to quell his racing heart, reassuring himself that this was a good thing.

When his vision finally cleared, he looked up only to stare back at a replica of himself, only this person had a dark hole for eyes. He broke out into a sweat.

“W-what happened to you?” he stammered, horrified that the stranger was nothing like he had imagined.

 **_“What’s wrong?”_ ** they sneered, but their gentle voice was no more. Instead, it sounded like numerous demonic voices were talking at the same time. **_“Am I not what you expected?”_ **

Sirius could only sit there, paralyzed with fear and shock, praying that he would wake up from this horrendous nightmare.

****WARNING: GORE/GRAPHIC DEPICTIONS OF VIOLENCE UP AHEAD****

Their jaw unhinged down to their shoulders, showcasing an array of sharp canine teeth and a snake-like tongue. Slimy drool dripped from their mouth as their tongue slithered around and traced their fangs. A mysterious black liquid, almost like tar, oozed from their “eyes” as cuts began forming onto their cheeks. It took all of his might not to puke when it opened up to reveal blood-red eyes with slit pupils. Their black fingertips sharpened into skinny, arachnid-like claws that were crookedly shaped, almost as if it had been broken and healed improperly.

He couldn’t help but stare, hypnotized and appalled by the disgusting display. The monster was truly a piece of work, for sure—something only a boggart could perfectly capture. 

Ravenous red eyes looked up and down at his body, as if choosing which limb to take first.

 **_“You and I are one,”_ ** one of its many demented voices cackled before the monster launched itself at Sirius, mouth wide open and ready for a bite.

_CRUNCH!_

Sirius collapsed hard against the stone floor, his open neck wound spraying blood all over the ground. His entire neck stung as oxygen interacted with the pulsing trachea, torn nerves, and raw flesh. His lungs clenched in absolute pain as blood flooded his respiratory system and stomach. Tiny chunks of flesh were scattered on the ground next to his fingertips.

He couldn’t help but painfully croak out a swear as he coughed up blood and stared back at the monster, who stood in front of him with sadistic joy.

 **_“Another one bites the dust, I’m afraid.,”_ ** they rasped. **_“If you can’t make progress one way, then we’ll have to end this and try another.”_ **

“Go to hell,” he tried to say, only to choke on blood. 

**_“You’re above them, my dear Sirius,”_ ** it mockingly cooed, grabbing him by the wrist and effortlessly lifting his entire body. He tried to pull away, only to scream in agony as they bit down on his shoulder. **_“That’s what you know deep down.”_ **

_‘That-that’s not true!’_

**_“Deny all you want, but you know the truth.”_ **

Sirius unsuccessfully muffled another scream as his free arm was ripped from him.

****IT’S SAFE TO READ NOW****

The monster, a kind stranger no longer, gave him a disgusting grin and dropped him. Sirius groaned in pain when his jaw collided with the stone floor. His vision began to blur, signaling that he was at his limits.

 ** _“You depend on others._** **_Your friends. Athena. Me.”_**

 _‘How much longer will this dream last?’_ Sirius thought, praying that he would also forget this wretched nightmare in the morning. He’s never missed being in Grimmauld Place more in his life.

**_“You crave for something that you can pretend to love, only to use them and throw them away when you’re done.”_ **

It crouched down to look directly at him, black and red eyes meeting silver. What beautiful eyes once captivated him now invoked fear and resentment within his being. His only hand, which he could barely feel, quaked uncontrollably as if it were having a seizure.

How much longer did he have?

**_“But really…”_ **

The monster paused for a moment, perhaps sensing that the bleeding teen was at the brink of death and wanted to savor his last moments.

Sirius chose to close his eyes and envision mysterious black eyes, which gave him a strange sense of hope. Hope that he would invoke emotions into those blank orbs. Hope that he will open his eyes and face the real world once more. Hope that he was the one in control and that he wasn’t going insane. It wasn’t the ideal last thought—he would’ve preferred flashing moments of his adventures with the Marauder—but it was the one he chose, and the Gryffindor was nothing but content with it.

Before slipping into the dark abyss of death and consciousness, the monster gave him their last words that would haunt him for many nights to come.

**_“You can never love anyone but yourself.”_ **

Sirius jolted awake, hands shaking and heart pounding. Thoughts spiraled in his head and he gulped as much oxygen as he could. His lungs ached from the sudden hysteria.

 _‘Calm down! I have to calm down!’_ his panicked mind screeched as he threw around his blankets and pillows, searching for something—anything that could help him breathe again. _‘I can’t breathe! I need something! Need something! Something to-’_

Silver eyes laid on his nightstand, where the glass liquor bottle and the cup of water glistened in the moonlight.

Fuck, he’s that desperate.

 _‘Just for one night,’_ he miserably thought as he downed three mint capsules and the entire cup of water. ****

“Father, how much am I supposed to take per day?”

“Only one,” Orion answered as he signaled for Kreacher to serve Sirius a plate. “Did you take one last night?”

“…I didn’t,” Sirius lied, trying his best not to show how nauseous he felt. His grip on the steak knife was stable for once, but his vision was swirling. “But I will tonight. Thank you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was much longer than I had intended, but I don't dislike it. Next chapter will also be a bit long and we’ll finally see more Sirius/Severus action going on, so that’s a nice treat :)


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius makes a stupid decision, but he learns to make the most out of a terrible situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I went from having writer's block halfway through and resorting to basic outlines, only to wake up this morning and write the rest of the chapter. I promise I haven't wasted that precious time though! I made sure to put that time towards other chapters and other stories :)

Sirius was getting better, or so he would like to believe.

He grew dependent on the medicine and religiously took one every single day, even if he was tempted to take more. However, he knew he had to ration it until winter break when he arrived at Hogwarts, given that the school would probably confiscate it.

“How inconvenient,” he muttered to himself.

The side effects weren’t as severe as it was the first night. As he adapted to the medicine and started taking the proper dosage, the severe nausea dissipated and he could function properly.

Kinda.

His shaking hands, a sign that he was losing himself, haven’t made an appearance since that horrific night. Even better, he hasn’t dreamt of the stranger since then either.

Granted, he actually hasn’t been sleeping all that much in general, but it was still a win.

Most of his day was spent in the room he shared with Athena, as he would hide from the rest of the school like a coward in his own private bedroom. He spent most of his days lying in bed, mindlessly staring at the ceiling in a daze. At night was when he was most productive, finishing schoolwork and reading through the material.

It was a weird cycle, but it was certainly preferable the one before, where for many hours he would sleep and dream about that stranger.

Sirius shivered at the thought about that person—no, that  _ monster. _

No, he didn’t have to think about it anymore. As long as he keeps sleeping to the minimum and takes his medicine, he’ll be perfectly fine. The shaky hands and nightmares were nothing more than memories. He’s alone, sure, but he is  _ fine. _

Sirius is getting better. That’s what he desperately wants to believe.

  
  


Unbeknownst to him, everyone else in the school has noticed a change in the young Black heir. He was still handsome, no doubt, but they could tell he was barely keeping it together. His hair was messy, as if he hadn’t brushed it in weeks, and bags had begun to develop under his eyes. As if to compensate, he wore his uniform stiffly like a traditional pureblood would.

But most disturbing of all was his eyes. Mischievous silver eyes have been reduced to a muted grey, devoid of any life or emotion. Even when he attended class and faced the blackboard, Sirius would have a distant look on his eyes, as if his mind were elsewhere. Every time class was dismissed, he would mindlessly pack up his belongings and disappear off within a heartbeat to who-knows-where.

Nobody dared approach him out of fear he would lash out like last time, but they did mourn the loss of the once brilliant and vibrant Sirius Black.

  
  


The small liquor bottle was, unfortunately, still only a small liquor bottle. That meant that it didn’t take long before Sirius had run out, even with his careful rationing.

“Fuck,” he muttered aloud the day he downed his last pill.

He had one weeks left until winter break. That meant he had seven days and a train ride that he had to bear through without snapping.

The first three days were the worst for he felt the burden of the physical symptoms from withdrawal. He skipped class during that time and locked himself in his room.

The first day, he skipped every meal and laid in bed for the entire day, severely lightheaded with aching muscles. That night, he dreamt of blood red eyes and woke up only a few hours later, covered in sweat.

The second day, he developed a cold and started vomiting. His throat was burning by the end of the day. He passed out from exhaustion sometime in the afternoon, only to wake up at midnight with tears and images of dead spiders burned into his retina.

By the end of the third day, Sirius decided it was his last day off before he had to go back. He still had a mild cold but otherwise, the worst has passed. His dreams consisted of broken liquor bottles and mocking voices, but it only lasted around an hour this time.

The fourth day, he returned to class and was thankfully left alone. People seemed to notice that he was agitated and decided to leave him in peace. He could deal with the pitiful looks.

The fifth and sixth day were the weekend, which he took to rest and try to catch up with school work.

The seventh day was when he and Snape met again in an empty corridor.

Sirius has been miserable and sick for an entire week at this point, which meant he was constantly in a sour mood and didn’t want to put up with people. As such, he started taking alternative, longer routes to class in order to avoid the annoying crowds.

And just his rotten luck, Snape does the same.

“My, my, if it isn’t Sirius Black?” the raven-haired boy leered.

Sirius froze and contemplated ignoring him. His head was still throbbing from the withdrawal and he wasn't in any shape for a duel. Ignoring Snape would irk the snake, no doubt—but would it be enough to make him start a fight?

He decided to entertain the Slytherin, for now at least.

“My favorite snake, Snivellus! Long time no see,” the heir mockingly bowed and held back a snicker when Snape flinched.

“Don’t tell me you’re so lonely that you’ve started missing me,” he sneered, trying to regain composure. “I know how everyone avoids you these days. Not popular anymore, Black?”

“Humor me then,  _ friend.  _ What do you want from me? I could lend you some shampoo for your poor greasy head.”

The corner of his eye twitched. “How original…”

“I’m only acting out of concern, Snivellus. You’re barely keeping yourself together!” Sirius faked an exaggeratedly worried look that could land him the lead role for a Muggle soap opera.

Another twitch. Merlin, even in his miserable state, he was great at annoying Snape. It was almost pitiful how easily he could anger the slimy boy.

He savored the pleasant satisfaction caused by the furious fire in those dark eyes. Unfortunately, it was a fleeting moment of elation that died as the flame did too.

Maybe he could make the git snap today.

“I would say the same for your former friend Lupin,” he held his hand over his lips and looked away, possibly mimicking an aristocratic lady trying to stifle a snicker. To Sirius, it looked like a poor attempt at flirting. “The poor thing is awfully shaky these days, isn’t he?”

Silver eyes narrowed at the Slytherin. He had to be careful with his next choice of words—any sort of confirmation meant exposing Remus’s furry secret, but strong denial would raise suspicion. He wasn’t sure how much the greasy git knows, but he sure as hell will not play along with his sick game.

“Leave him out of this,” he warned.

“The full moon is coming.”

He resisted raising his fists again. The last thing Sirius needed was another suspension.

And much more importantly, the last thing he needed was a sniveling shithead shoving his parrot nose in their business.

“What does that-”

“-Have to do with the werewolf?”

Fuck.

The raven head feigned a pitiful sway. “It would be oh so tragic if such heinous rumors were to spread!”

“Did the first punch fry your brain?” Sirius forced a cocky grin and casually raised up a clenched fist. “I’m sure a second one will fix you right up, my dear Snivellus.”

Snape creepily smiled, showcasing his yellow teeth.

“I don’t need hard proof. All I need is sufficient speculation, maybe some fabricated lies, and a silly rumor will turn into Hogwarts’s next big story.”

And that was when he decided to listen to the malicious voice that was clawing at the back of his mind.

What had irked him the most was not the content of his words, but the implied power behind it. It meant that Sirius wasn’t in control of this anymore, and he  _ detested  _ being thrown under like this.

This disgusting snake really thought he was so clever, huh? Thought he could flip the table on Sirius because he’s not in the best shape? That his withdrawal from society was an opportunity for a power grab? With clenched fists, he silently apologized to his friend for his next course of action.

If this Death Eater wannabe wanted Remus’s secret, then he could have it.

“The Whomping Willow,” he began, “has a knot…”

  
  


“Where in the world have you been?”

Sirius held back a groan as he finally entered the Gryffindor common room for the first time since the last school year. Sitting criss crossed in front of the fireplace with a Transfiguration textbook and an unfinished essay was James, who seemed rather annoyed that he returned. He didn’t even bother to look up from his essay.

He shrugged and slumped onto one of the couches, savoring the warm coziness the room radiated. It has been far too long since he’s been so relaxed, he might even consider taking a nap right here!

“Here and there,” the Black heir lazily answered, crossing his arms and closing his eyes. “I think I’m ready to come back here though.”

“It’s the full moon tonight. You wanna go?”

“Merlin no, I want to nap.”

“Napping is more important than your mates?”

Sirius didn’t open his eyes but he made sure to express his displeasure by kicking the air and hoping it was near James’s face. “Tonight is not a good night to go anyways.”

Unbeknownst to him, James was looking up at him with a perplexed and worried look—not too different from the look he gave him on the train. He didn’t hear the quiet “why” over the crackling fire either.

“Where’s Peter? We should tell him not to go, otherwise he’s bound to get caught up in that mess.”

“What mess, Sirius?” James said a little louder this time.

“Merlin, you wouldn’t believe what a wreck I’ve been recently. I’m feeling better right now though.”

“What. Mess.”

“Mm? Oh, right. Snivellus was pissing me off so I told him to go to the Whomping Willow. I’m hoping Moony will give that fucker a fright,” he snickered. “And if he gets bit, that’d be the highlight of my yea-”

_ SLAP! _

The sheer force of the slap flung him onto the ground. James stood over him with a furious expression, heavily breathing with a raised hand.

“Do you realize what you’ve just done, you idiot!?” his roommate fumed. “Merlin, you’ve really done it this time…I can’t believe you right now!”

“Prongs, what the fuck are you on about?”

“Don’t talk to me,” James viscously spat before sprinting out of the common room, leaving a bewildered Sirius alone on the floor.

  
  


Just as he thought, it didn’t end  _ that _ badly.

James, ever the heroic character, swooped in at just the right time and saved the greasy bastard before the werewolf could bite him. Snape didn’t come out injure-less, but it wasn’t anything that couldn’t be remedied within a few weeks.

However, his relief was only brief, and was quickly replaced with frustration.

Sirius didn’t understand why they were so upset at  _ him, _ like he purposefully escorted Snape down there and trapped him in with a werewolf. From the looks of it, they should’ve been mad at the greasy snake!

Regardless of whether or not it was just, Sirius wasn’t in a good position. From the looks of it, Dumbledore may not be so favorable given the previous incident. If the headmaster was lenient and his friends fiercely defended him, then the worst he’s looking at is a Quidditch suspension (which wouldn’t make a difference) and a couple weeks of detention.

However, he wasn’t a fucking dumbass. 

The Marauders were, no doubt, absolutely livid at him for revealing Remus’s secret—even worse, he revealed it to their  _ life-long enemy! _ If Sirius had any intentions of going back to their dorm, he’d surely be beaten in front of every single Gryffindor.

This wasn’t exactly his year.

But before anything else, he had one thing that he absolutely must do before it worsens to a legal issue.

Sneaking into the hospital wing, only a few hours after the werewolf incident, he searched for a certain boy’s hospital bed. When Sirius found it, he entered his proximity and casted a silencing spell before closing the curtains behind him.

To see him up close, only a few feet away from their lying body, in this situation and setting was a sight that made the Gryffindor’s cheeks heat up.

“Here to rub it in?” the bedridden Snape snarked, but not even he could mask the weakness and fear behind his hoarse voice. In this room, it was Sirius who was in control, and now Snape knew exactly how far he was willing to go to break him down.

The feeling of having someone beneath him like this was an addictive one.

“What are you doing here?”

Sirius gave him an unsettling smile and said nothing, which seemed to aggravate the Slytherin even more.

“I want to see what all the fuss was about.”

“Feigning ignorance when you caused this ‘fuss’,” Snape snorted. “You really are the worst.”

His wrist twitched with annoyance, but he didn’t dare take the bait. That evil snake was trying to derail him and turn the tables, but he was going to keep and savor his current dominance.

“What do you want from me?”

“I think we all know what I want from you.”

“I don’t see why I shouldn’t report your friend to the Ministry, as any  _ law-abiding _ citizen would. He’s violating a very important law,” Snape hissed.

“I don’t see why that’s a problem for you, given that you  _ love _ learning the dark arts and playing with your Death Eater friends. I’m sure you’re itching to break a few important laws with them when you’re older,” Sirius snarled back.

Their hostile conversation died down, with Sirius staying in the corner observing him. Snape reciprocated his staring, though it was likely out of caution rather than fascination. After a tense few minutes, it seemed like he had enough of their cat and mouse dance.

“Leave.”

“I don’t regret shit,” he blurted out, immediately feeling disgusted with himself. Even more so because deep down, he  _ truly _ meant it.

“Even though your friends hate you now?”

He paused to think before reluctantly nodding, stunning both of them.

Sure, his friends would never speak to him again, but he couldn’t find any deep regret over the entire situation. The only thing he really regretted was telling James about it, but even then, it was only a smudge of regret because Snape wouldn’t have been alive if he didn’t.

And if Snape wasn’t alive, he wouldn’t’ve been around to grant Sirius a moment he would never forget.

Snape looked  _ beautiful _ like this. The dim moonlight masked the pasty color of his skin, instead giving the impression that he was naturally pale. His greasy hair reflected the light, causing the illusion of shiny, glowing hair.

Best of all, the dark bruises on his skin were incredibly prominent. He couldn’t help but feel a rush of heat travel down to his crotch.

“Fuck me,” Sirius moaned under his breath. He stepped closer towards the hospital bed until he was hovering right over Snape’s face. His face was still ugly, but Merlin, he was  _ fucking glowing _ in the moonlight.

“Get away from me!” Snape hissed.

Ignoring him, the Marauder climbed over the bed to pin him down. Snape groaned as Sirius pressed down on his thin wrists. He ignored the dreaded sense of deja vu that came over him.

The element of dominance intertwined with fear, hatred, and physical lust was addictive—a poison far more potent than anything Sirius has ever experienced. Compared to the withdrawals,  _ this  _ was the most powerful feeling he’s ever experienced.

He nipped down on the snake’s thin neck, pressing most of his weight down on the struggling boy.

“Please stop!” he pleaded, trying his best to raise his neck away from him. “Alright! Alright! I won’t tell anyone, so just  _ stop!” _

Sirius paused for a moment, only to bite down and revert Snape into a moaning mess. He prided himself in perfecting the art of neck biting, in which he could bite down with just enough power to maximize pleasure and mark them for at least a few days.

“Please,” the Slytherin whimpered. He felt a droplet land on his forehead and took a moment to move away.

_ ‘Is he crying?’ _

The heir stared hungrily into the sobbing boy’s face, contemplating how he should reward the pathetic boy. Lecherous eyes hovered over a pair of cracked lips.

No, not today. He’ll save it for another day.

Instead, Sirius pecked his forehead and affectionately held Snape’s cheeks in his hands. Feeling generous, he nipped the boy’s neck again—gently this time—and was pleased to feel the Slytherin shiver with pleasure.

“You’re so pretty like this,” the Gryffindor whispered—and for once, there wasn’t a trace of mockery in his voice.

“Stop this…you got what you wanted…you don’t have to speak nonsense right now…”

“No,” he kissed his collarbone. “You are, because I say so.”

Their conversation died down once more, only to be replaced with gentle neck kissing noises and soft moans. Snape eventually closed his eyes and relaxed his tense body, probably because he was already exhausted enough from that night’s event to continue struggling. When his breathing slowed down and faint snoring could be heard coming from the raven-haired boy, Sirius gently wrapped his arms around his waist and laid next to him, observing his sleeping face.

_ ‘He’s warmer than I thought,’ _ the Marauder thought as he closed his eyes and absorbed the other teen’s body heat. He hated thinking about the strange dreams he had before, but he missed having someone to hold and share warmth with.

Only this was even better, because it was  _ real. _

That morning, after waking up in an empty hospital bed, Sirius realized this was his first night of peaceful sleep without the pills.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story will finally move on from being Sirius-centric to focusing on Sirius/Severus. That also means there'll be more scenes from Severus's perspective like in Chapter 2 and 3 :D


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life for Sirius looks incredibly different now, as friends become nuisances and an enemy becomes a lover. Unfortunately, James and Severus don’t seem very keen on adjusting to his new lifestyle. Meanwhile, a familiar face comes by for a surprise visit and a rat becomes quite useful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, it’s been almost a whole month. I’ve been writing some other stories here and there but I lacked motivation to finish this up. But anyways, happy New Years Eve (or happy 2021 for some) 🥳

“You don’t even feel sorry,” James said with tearful eyes on their last day before winter break.

“I guess not,” Sirius gave him an apathetic shrug. Really, he couldn’t find it in himself to care about anything else anymore.

The old Sirius would have begged for their forgiveness, but he wasn’t the same man anymore. He didn’t need anyone else besides his dark-haired toy.

“You’re kidding me.”

He half-heartedly smiled. “I wouldn’t lie to you, James.”

James glared at him one last time before retreating back to their dorm room—no, _his_ dorm room. Sirius has long since left Gryffindor tower, and in a way, left the house itself.

He was content with his room, where Sirius could escape the Marauders’ glares and the public’s judging stares. It was his haven, where no one was permitted to enter except for his snake.

With a little bit of negotiating, threatening, and harmless neck biting, he managed to coerce Severus into visiting his room every night. He slept with him every night, though they’ve yet to actually _sleep together._

One of the terms they had agreed upon was no sex of any sorts, which drived the horny teen crazy.

Sirius was all for kissing and occasionally groping his submissive snake, but Severus looked hilariously mortified whenever he asked about sex. He wasn’t _that_ cruel, so he complied. Still, every so often he’d tease him by whispering dirty fantasies into his ear. Sirius rather enjoyed Severus’s embarrassed face.

Beyond that, he stopped retreating to his room any time he wasn’t in class. He would latch onto Severus and accompany him everywhere, driving away any Slytherin that would dare approach what was _his._ In return, Severus acted as a repellent for everyone else, who both hated and feared him.

It was a perfect relationship. Severus didn’t have to fear being bullied or deal with unwanted solicitation anymore. Sirius’s fragile ego and hot temper were quelled by his sufferance. Best of all, no one could gather up the courage to bother them—not after making an example out of Avery and Rosier.

Call him fucked up, but he was glad that he used Moony for the prank. No doubt, the fresh trauma and fear from the werewolf incident messed up the usually unyielding Severus, making him more susceptible to Sirius’s manipulation.

That fear in his obsidian eyes gave Sirius absolute pleasure, knowing that he was the cause behind it. _He_ was the dominant one. _He_ had the authority. Something the Marauders could never give him because they wouldn’t submit to him—not even Peter would be willing to stand for his selfish behavior for long.

But Severus knew what Sirius was like, so he went all out on him.

It wasn’t like he was hurting anyone though—not that he would care if he did, but it seems to be all anyone cares about. As long as he respected the boundaries Severus set up, then what harm is he really doing?

The (former?) Marauder licked his lips. The thought of him was enough to awaken an insatiable thirst that could only be lulled by Severus’s physical presence. Boy, he was glad he decided to stay for winter break—two weeks alone with his toy sounded like heaven.

Not sparing a glance at the dormitory, Sirius walked away to the library, unaware of a pair of troubled eyes trailing his movements.

  
  


“Flip to the end of the chapter and finish up the review questions by the end of class,” Professor McGonagall instructed. “In the meantime, I’ll be writing future assignments on the blackboard.”

Severus obeyed and mindlessly wrote down his answers, all of which were in the book. It gave him a bit of time to think about…recent events.

For example, his new “boyfriend”, Sirius Black, whose reign of terror has extended so far that he has done to unforgivable—caused Severus’s grade to slip.

 _‘That bastard,’_ he thought, putting a little more pressure than was necessary on his quill. _‘Of course that psycho ruined the one thing that I had going right for me…’_

It was such a confusing relationship, though the obvious answer should be to leave his stupid ass. Yet Severus continued to indulge and participate in Sirius’s twisted game.

Going to his room every night. Sleeping in the same bed. Being touched by him. Letting all this happen. It constantly puts him on edge, worrying over the day the Gryffindor will ignore his wishes and finally pounce.

But it wasn’t like he could deny him either. This year has proved how violent and dangerous he truly was, from the terrifying Hogwarts Express encounter to the traumatizing werewolf incident.

Yes, Severus genuinely feared what Sirius would do if he objected.

It wasn’t all that bad though, because he could use him as well. They bargained and reaped benefits off of each other, more like business partners than lovers.

If he allows Sirius to do whatever with the upper half of his body, his virginity would be preserved. If Sirius isn’t a dickhead to him, he’d sleep next to him. If he compliments him and does courteous favors, Severus would consider following him into abandoned classrooms and broomstick closets.

Oh, and then there was the _power._

Trained to be aware of his surroundings, he couldn’t ignore the fearful but amazed stares that would only appear when he and Sirius were together. It fueled his Slytherin pride, knowing they were intimidated by his presence alone. Like it or not, they were a deadly duo when they could get along. Even if the inner dynamic was rather uneven, it doesn’t hinder Severus’s ability to work with him if they had a common interest.

But none of that removes the mental anguish he goes through because of that horrible mutt.

Every morning was the same routine; he’d wake up from a nightmare and be comforted by Sirius, who would hold him and whisper sweet nothings.

Every time Sirius goes to take a morning shower, he would curl up into a fetal position and wonder why Sirius’s presence never fails to help.

Every time he comes back, Severus couldn’t help but feel disgusted with himself for cheering up upon his return.

It was a brutal cycle of self-loathing, vulnerability, and confusion.

 _‘We can’t do this forever,’_ he sighed, swiftly finishing up his questions and turning it in without reviewing it. _‘It has to end somehow.’_

“Mr. Snape?”

He turned around, masking his worry with an indifferent look. “Yes, Professor McGonagall?”

“Please stay with me after class,” she said quietly, eying the lingering students. “We must talk about your recent test grades…”

The teen gulped.

He was supposed to go to the library after this, where Sirius would no doubt be waiting for him. The last time he broke his usual routine to step away and take a break at the Astronomy tower, the psychopath pinned him down the next day and nearly bit his shoulder off.

“I-I, um,” he took a deep breath. “Yes, professor.”

No, he couldn’t disobey the deputy headmistress. Not even Sirius Black’s hot temper could beat the terrifying witch’s stern demeanor.

Severus prayed for his poor shoulders.

  
  


“Tempus,” Sirius flicked his wand for what felt like the millionth time. His pet’s transfiguration had ended twenty minutes ago, more than enough time for Severus to travel to the library. There was only forty minutes left of his double free period, which left him somewhat agitated.

Out of frustration, he tossed his wand aside and crossed his arms.

“What could possibly be the hold up?” the Gryffindor pouted.

This was their usual dance. Severus would carry on with his usual routines as a lone maverick while Sirius would tag along and bother him.

But he was late. Very. Late.

 _’Pray for your fucking shoulder,’_ he growled. _‘I swear, if you don’t show up soon, I will hunt you down and tear you apart in front of the entire school.’_

“Tempus.”

He’d never admit it to the slimy git, but he truly looked forward to sitting down with him and relaxing.

For one, it helped remedy the lingering anxiety he had from his nightmares. The leftover paranoia from Athena. The unexplainable anger and malice bubbling inside of him.

Things were just… _different_ with him.

No doubt, he used to be angry with Severus almost all the time, but it was a different kind of anger. One born from a destructive beast who wanted those bottomless black eyes to reveal something. He was frustrated with what he couldn’t have, but that was no longer the case.

Or so he fucking hopes.

“Tempu…”

He faltered before shaking his head and recasting the spell.

From the corner of his eyes, there was a sudden shadow figure rushing through for only a sliver of a second, which did not help the Gryffindor’s agitated mind.

 _‘Just ignore it,’_ he clenched his fists, which were starting to sweat. _‘It’s probably another kid running around. Don’t freak out about it.’_

The shadow once again slipped by from his other side. His wrist twitched, causing him to hiss at the sudden motion.

“Not real,” he whispered aloud, closing his eyes shut and clenching his fists tight. “Don’t freak out…”

**_“Are you sure about that?”_ **

He opened his eyes and immediately regretted it.

Even with a human-like appearance, the monster still looked menacing with sharp canine teeth and blood red eyes, almost like a vampire. Their deep voice was singular this time, but he could hear an animalistic growl behind their voice.

“Y-you’re not real,” Sirius stammered, reaching for his wand. Surely, this must be a boggart or something, but there was no way a library would have a closet for the monster to hide in.

 **_“No, I’m not,”_ ** they cackled. **_“But what I represent is far too real._ **”

With shaky hands, he pointed it at them.

“Get away from me. I’m not afraid to burn a few books if it means ending you.”

The stranger took a daring step forward, unfazed by his threats.

**_“I think it’s time we talk, Sirius.”_ **

  
  


The last person Lily had expected to come up to her for help was Peter Pettigrew, known as the tag-along Marauder and a feeble coward. But it seems that this year was full of surprises—Severus was practically inseparable from his tormentor, the Marauders and Black weren’t on good terms, and Lupin was stuck in the hospital, unfortunately leaving his prefect duties to her.

This time, Pettigrew had sprung up one of the strangest requests she’s ever heard from the Marauders.

“You’re a prefect and his friend,” he pleaded. “He won’t talk to us but he’ll listen if it’s you!”

She raised an eyebrow. “So let me get this straight, you want me to tell Severus dirt about Sirius and sabotage their relationship?”

What was going on with these boys!?

“N-not at all!” Pettigrew frantically shook his head. “I don’t care what they do, even if I don’t like Snape. I just want us to be friends again…”

Emerald eyes softened. So that’s why Pettigrew was feeling courageous today—he just wanted his friends back together.

“You’ll have to ask James about the details, but he says that Sirius has been acting strange since the train ride.”

Lily frowned. She remembered Severus telling her about it and she brushed it off as flirtation—after all, Black has been obsessed with the Slytherin since they met. When she saw them in the hallways practically attached by the hip, she had assumed he had finally grown a spine and apologized.

She hoped there weren't any cynical intentions behind Black’s behavior.

“I just hope that Snape can ask him why he’s been acting this way and talk to him about it since he won’t talk to us anymore,” Pettigrew explained. “Even if James and Remus are mad at him, we still worry…”

She couldn’t help but remember watching Black during her classes after he returned from his suspension.

He _had_ been acting strange, obediently sitting in silence with lifeless eyes. Even when his friends tried to reach out, Black would shake him off and disappear until his next class.

Lily had been somewhat concerned for the male, as any decent human would, only for him to do a total one-eighty and revert back to the arrogant manchild she knew.

Or so she thought, until she noticed the Marauders avoiding him. Meanwhile, he flirtatiously approached Severus without a care in the world, and Severus allowed it! Her worldview seemed to shatter before her eyes as friendships were burnt to ashes and a strong mutual hatred morphed into love.

But was this truly love? For Black to not only drop his lifelong mates for Severus, but also piss them off in such a way that the dropping was mutual—did that not indicate that something might be wrong here? And why was it that everyone suddenly changed after one night? What was happening behind closed doors with these boys?

For Severus’s sake, she prayed she was overthinking this.

“I’ll think about it,” the prefect finally answered after an awkward moment of silence. That glimmer of hope seemed to be enough for Pettigrew, who quickly thanked her before scurrying off.

 _‘Merlin help us all,’_ Lily anxiously bit her lips. _‘For once, I hope I’m wrong about this.’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ANNOUNCMENT: This story will temporarily be on hiatus (NOT ABANDONED) due to lack of motivation, as shown by the lack of updates. I don’t want to force myself to write hollow chapters like a machine. I truly thank you for the kudos and comments, and hopefully I’ll get back in the groove by the end of January. Oh, and one last message; bye 2020, won’t miss you 😘🖕


End file.
